Hitting Pause
Can we just all take a deep breath real quick? Or a couple? I think we could use the break.
(Also, to be very clear, I’m not a doctor, this is simply what I’ve learned about myself and thought you might be able to relate to or find it helpful.)
I learned the following as part of an anxiety re-centering technique. It’s called “Box Breathing.” You breathe in, hold, breathe out, and hold all for the same number of counts (thus making the cycle a box). I’ve tried it a few different ways and can tell you the following:
To Sleep -
Breathe in 8 slow counts
Hold for 8 slow counts
Exhale for 8 slow counts
Hold the exhale for 8 slow counts
Repeat until you’re asleep (It usually takes me just a couple of cycles before I’m off to dreamland)
To Combat Immediate Overwhelm - use a 3 count
Repeat until your brain stops buzzing or you can extend to longer counts.
To Re-Center - use a 4 count
Repeat until you’re feeling in a more balanced* space.
*More balanced doesn’t mean zen, it simply means you don’t feel like tearing a roll of paper towels in half with your bare hands right at that moment.
Fun fact - this is also a technique I’ve been teaching my kiddos when they get overwhelmed, angry, or just can’t put words to feelings at the moment. (Did you know that the majority of feelings we experience during the day DON’T have names!? They just are! That’s WILD to me.) We typically use the 4 counts at my house because it’s just enough to be effective but not too much where they feel they’re extending too much effort.
Another (less) fun fact: Anger or frustration is often a sign of anxiety. Some humans with anxiety (raises hand) don’t regularly break down, get nervous, or become ill at the onset of anxiety, or in intense situations, instead, they become angry, frustrated, or annoyed during times when there is a fear of the unknown, a loss of situational control, or an inability to decipher or react to a situation in a way they feel is appropriate. Did you catch all that? It all boils down to how the human with the anxiety perceives, handles, and reacts to the pressure in their environment.
As a human with that type of anxiety (have I mentioned how great my therapist has been?) I’ve noticed that my first response is annoyance or anger when I feel fear, some sort of danger, the nauseating feeling of being underprepared, or simply the unknown. Sometimes that can come in short, terse wording, an inability to focus on things I deem “currently unimportant,” the internal storm of a whirling cyclone, a lack of patience with my kids, or an overall crackdown within myself with a heavy-handed dose of “I have to get this right.” (Perfectionism, anyone?) I can tell you, in situations where I am able to notice, pause, and recenter, these breathing techniques really do help.
I was reminded of these techniques and the need to practice them regularly this week. I don’t know about you, but it’s been a doozy of a week, and not even because of anything insanely out of the ordinary. Just life, with a few sprinkles of stress thrown in (we’re m o v i n g again in less than a month - so, hey cardboard boxes taking over everything.) I could feel the creep of annoyance and frustration hanging out over my shoulder toward the beginning of the week and growing into a full wet-koala backpack by the week’s end. (Have you SEEN a wet koala? Google it if you want, but not before bed, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.) Friday, post-kid bedtime, I found myself mentally sparring with my current emotions and the expectation of parenting I hold myself to, and they weren’t aligning well at all. So, I turned to my breathing. In fact, I tucked into a pair of noise-canceling headphones, grabbed a 10-minute guided meditation for anxiety on YouTube, and just let myself feel all of those emotions I had been tucking inside the dark corners of my brain this week. I can tell you, I cried, hard. And it was necessary.
I examined, without judgment, the emotions I had swirling around.
-The frustration of situations we find ourselves in
-The repetitive nature of teaching young humans how to human in a way that promotes their caring, independent, and unique nature without crushing their spirit, and yelling “BE NICE” in what can only be described as the biggest oxymoron of parenting, ever.
-The fear and uncertainty of providing for a family
-Not to mention building a career
-The need for but lack of self-care
…and the list goes on. #adulting
And then, I did a few puzzles on my iPad, had a gut-check-chat with a good human, and honored where I was in my day vowing to try again tomorrow. And that’s all we can expect ourselves to do.
Not every day, not every week, is going to be a good one. But thus far, you and I both have a 100% success rate of surviving even our worst days. I don’t know about you, but I intend to keep up that streak.
So when you find yourself spinning (worry, anxiety, fear, anger, imposter syndrome, sadness, overwhelm) just. breathe.
I’m proud of you.
I’m proud of us.
-Meg
