Putting Kids First- Balance and Parenting
First thing's first, a story.
Once my mom was in the kitchen when I was probably 3 or 4. She was working on the dishes. Water running, soapy hands, dishwasher open- the works. As it happens, I came running into the kitchen, book in hand, begging to be read to. Now, she had a few options: 1) Tell me to wait a bit and finish the dishes. 2) Tell me she didn't have time, and finish the dishes. 3) Read to me and then finish the dishes.She chose option three. She sat down in the middle of the kitchen, dishes unfinished, dishwasher wide open and read me a story. When questioned she simply replied with something close to the following: "Some things are important, some things are necessary and some things just can't wait." Her child was something that 'just couldn't wait.'
Life As We Know It
Now, we all know that sometimes, things do really need to get done and we can't drop everything to have a dance party or read a story. I'd bet that there are times that we could stop to boogie a bit or help to build a train track but we don't. I'm suggesting that we take more time to do those things with our children that show them, we don't want them to have to wait. Show them how it feels to be the priority- to be the first in line. The dishes and laundry aren't more important than the living beings that use them. The Queen and her court probably won't make a surprise appearance at your doorstep today- nor will the Supper Nanny, I think you're safe to let the laundry sit for a few more minutes.
Making Kids Feel Included
Better yet, why not let the kids do some 'helping' with those ever-present- tasks?Laundry day? Let the little ones match socks or fold sort the clean clothes into piles.Dishes need washing? Silverware superheroes to the rescue! Spoons and forks get put into their rightful places.Yard work? The garden ninjas can help with pulling weeds or raking leaves (to jump in later of course)Incorporating your kids into the jobs we have to do can have more than one benefit.-They feel valued and helpful for being included-It teaches them responsibility and how to care for the family's shared spaces-Family time for the winThere are many times where we can put down our devices and give our kids our full attention. Such as family mealtimes, sporting events (games/competitions/recitals), bedtime routines and chats. We (yes, Hubs and I included) need gentle reminders sometimes to put down the device and give them our 100% attention. Even when we want to veg out on a video or scroll Instagram after a long day at work. This is especially pertinent to me as I work from my home which includes my phone and my computer. Sometimes an email comes in and it can wait, I just need to make sure that it does. It may be easier to send one more quick tweet but not during dinner time or playtime. Ease of access doesn't always mean it's easy to ignore.
How We Find Balance
As is the case for all facets of parenting, it's about the balance. Your children don't have to be the center of everyone's universe but they shouldn't be minor characters either. They need to develop the ability to entertain themselves independently but shouldn't be made to "play by themselves" all of the time. You can't always take a phone call later but you shouldn't let them override dinner time daily. See? Balance.If you're feeling like you need to find a better balance, here are a few ways we try to maintain our own at home.
No devices during dinner
As I'm home with the kiddos during lunchtime and the baby usually needs to be nursed devices are allowed to be used while they eat. This keeps them from fighting, helps them to focus on eating and gives me a few minutes to feed the baby uninterrupted. Dinner is a different story. No devices. We all try to sit down together most nights and talk about our days as well as what we have going on in general. We often ask the kids what their favorite part of the day was. When they get older we'll probably incorporate the questions pertaining to best and worst parts of the day as well as what they did FOR someone. They're a little young for that at the moment.
Quiet Time = Work Time
Each afternoon Little Bear goes to nap and Bubba has quiet time. This allows me to focus on the work I need to do. During this time I schedule phone calls, create content and send emails. The children are safe and cared for so I'm able to what brain power I have during the day toward my career.
Bedtime Routine
Our bedtime routine for the kids has been the same since Bubba was in his big-boy-bed the first time. Interestingly, it does include some device time. We call it '5-minutes'. Seeing as though our kiddos can't tell time, sometimes it's more and sometimes it is less than 5 minutes. They have a few minutes to play games or watch a video on their kindles before we head to their rooms for songs, squeezes and sleep.
Do Your Best
Your schedule might be flip-flopped or you may have an exceptionally difficult or busy week. I get it. As much as we strive for consistency and balance- these are kids we're talking about. It's almost a literal circus! Just do your best. Find your tribe of parents you can hang with, lean on and vent to. There are days, usually Sundays, that we don't get out of our PJs for very long and we love it! Sometimes we don't charge the devices for days. There are also days where the devices need to be charged up due to overuse and that isn't a sin either. Do what keeps you sane and keeps everyone safe and happy. You're doing the best you can and so are we!Be Great,M